Jewish Inspiration Podcast · Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe

You're listening to Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe of TORCH in Houston, Texas. This is the Jewish Inspiration Podcast.

Good evening, everybody. Welcome back to the Muslim Masterclass. We are in the middle of the gate of slander. Last week we began this journey speaking about slander and its devastating impact on mankind, on those who listen to it and those who speak it. And we are in the Treasure for Life edition of the Orchid Tzaddikim, Ways of the Righteous on page 777.
All right, 777. We're middle of the page for day number 140, 140. And the Orchid Tzaddikim begins as follows. He says, anytime you open your mouth and share words that do damage to your friend, whether the damage be physical, whether it be emotional, whether it be financial, it doesn't make a difference. It's lashon hara. Anytime what your words cause damage to another person is considered lashon hara. Ha'omer dvar sod l'chavir. Someone tells his friend a secret. Osor l'galosa b'lo roshos. You are not allowed to
reveal it without permission. V'chol hanemar b'fnei shlosha. Anything you just said in front of three people. Osor komo yodu ala kol. V'im siper echad mena shlosha, ein bor mishum lashon hara. So there's something called apei klosa, which is speaking in front of three people. Once you speak, you say something in front of three people, it's considered, even if you say it's private, it really doesn't make a difference. Once you say something in front of three people, it's considered as if it's public information and
they are not obligated to keep it a secret. If you want something to be a secret, keep it a secret. I have a very dear friend of mine, and he always tells me, whenever we talk, he says, don't ever tell me secrets because I'm terrible with secrets. I don't remember what I was allowed to say, what I was not allowed to say. If it's a secret, don't tell me. And I don't think that he really doesn't, he just doesn't want that responsibility,
that if he did reveal for someone else's secret, he doesn't want to undertake that responsibility. V'avol im hum iskaven legalosu yoser, yeish po mishum lashon hara. And if this person now is intending to reveal this to other people, even though it was in front of three, it is considered lashon hara. V'im haomer, he's here, ha'shomim sholo yegalo, afilu omro b'fnei rabim, yeish po mishum lashon hara. He says, then, he says, if the guy warns you and tells you not to share it,
then it would fall into the category of lashon hara. It's different than what I said earlier. Ka hu maase b'tam adekhar. It's like the story of one student. She gilo d'var she'nem ha'ravei semedu. She revealed something that was told to him in the study hall. Akher esu m'shtayim shono. After 22 years, he revealed this. V'afkei rav ami mi b'medrosha. And he was evicted from the study hall, from the base medrash, by rav ami. Omar,
rav ami said to him, den galei razio. This is a revealer of secrets. Ve'od yesh avei ra'achas hanikres rechilus. And he says, still, there's another sin. So we see from that story in the Talmud in Sanhedrin that you're not allowed to reveal secrets. He says, but now we have another sin of speech, and that is the speech of rechilus. By the way, if someone does not, someone tells you something privately, but doesn't tell it to you and warn you, this is a secret.
Don't tell anybody. I don't want anyone to know about this. They don't have to say that. They don't have to say that. If someone tells you something, you're not allowed to share it. Even if they don't forewarn you, telling you that it is a secret. Even if they don't say that, it's still considered a secret anytime someone reveals something to you. So what is rechilus? Rechilus is someone who is a tailbearer. Someone who runs around. A rachil is a peddler. Runs around peddling products. A
rachil in rechilus is someone who peddles bad information about other people. G'yodei shevir achas Hanikrei is rechilus, which is called rechilus. Ezo rachil, who is a rachil? Zeh sheto in devorim v'holich mizel hazeh. Someone who says something and goes from one to the next. Ve'omer kach omar ploni. This is what so-and-so said. Kach omar, kach v'kach shamati al ploni. And this is what I heard about him, and this is what I heard about him.
And he goes around and he's constantly talking about what other people said or what other people did or, you know, just information about other people. Af ha'pi shev'em is, even though what he's saying is true. Ha'rei zeh macher v'solim. He is destroying the world. V'uz'har n'alzeh. And we were warned about this. K'tik'siv l'seylech roch v'amechah. As the Torah says, do not be a gossip monger, a tailbearer among my nation. Among your people. Be'ezur r'chilos ha'megal l'chavei v'dvorim she'dibur u'meneh b'sey. So you reveal a secret that someone told you
privately into the public. Ve'tan yom minayin l'dayyon le'keshi yeytzeh. And that we learned, how do we know that a judge emerging from a trial should not say, lo yomar ani mezakeh v'chavei v'chavei ra'im l'chaivim. I rule innocent and my colleagues ruled guilty. You're not allowed to reveal what it is that you, if you're a judge, a judge of three is the smallest, but you have the judge of 21, you have the judge of 71, and you're not allowed to reveal what the other judges said or what you said.
Av'al mo'eh seshe chavei v'rabu alay. I said he was innocent. They said he's guilty. What can I do? They're the majority. Le'kach omar lo'sey le'chroch v'amecha v'omar hoy le'chrochir migal esod. That's why the verse states, do not be a tailbearer among your people and one who reveals a secret is a tailbearer. You're not allowed to share private information and leaked sources, leaked anonymous sources, are definitely not appropriate. Hi zo'eher be'chom me'od milo'shon hora. He says be very very careful from lo'shon hora.
Ki bo'zeh ata me'vayesh atzmecho kichol ha'posol. This is something that we've said so many times in the Talmud. The Talmud says in Kiddushin that if you see the flaw in another person, you talk about the flaw of another person, just know you're really talking about yourself, the Talmud says. You're talking a flaw about another person. It's really you who suffers with that flaw. He says ve'enim be'dabar b'shimcho shol olam, ve'darakol lifsol b'nei adam b'mumo, ki mum sheyesh bo
hu munach tamit kol ha'yom b'libo, ve'kevon sh'hu b'libo hu motzi'o b'fiv. He says guard yourself greatly against slander for through it you shame yourself. One who invalidates others is himself invalid. He cannot speak well of others and tends to brand them with his own faults. You see the flaws in others. Why do you see the flaws in others? Because it's glaring to yourself. It's it's the mirror in front of you. You see in others the flaws that you have and
this is a very harsh truth that the Talmud teaches us here. Ki kol adam nivkhan ve'nikar be'dvarof kei tzad. He says every person is identifiable, is recognized and perceived by the words that he uses. Im tira, he says how is this so? Im tira adam sh'hu ragi l'shabeach nashim ve'dabar me'hem tamid da l'cha sh'hu oev nashim. If you see a guy in the habit of always praising women and who speaks of them always He's known to be a womanizer. No, no, he's known to be someone who loves women.
You have to identify that. Ve'im hu m'shabeach ma'cholim tovim ve'yayin. Someone who is always talking about food and wine. Hu b'zeh ragil and this is what his occupation is. Da l'cha sh'hu zolil ve'sover. He's a glutton. Because all he's talking about is food. All he's talking about is eating and Same thing someone always only talks about cars. Someone only talks about houses, fashion, materialism. Torah. What you talk about is what you are and this is a verse that he may bring here from King Solomon.
He says ish kefi mahalolo. You can tell a person by what they praise. You can tell a person by what they talk about. Someone who talks about quality things is a quality person. Someone who talks about nonsense is full of nonsense. Ve'im hu m'shabeach ma'cholim tovim ve'yayin hu b'zeh ragil. Da l'cha sh'hu zolil ve'sover. V'chein b'chol dover. And so it is with everything. Ve'ra'ayim min ha-pasek. And I'll tell you a proof of this from the verse.
Ma ahav ti'sor esechol kol yom yisichol. See the verse states in Psalms. How much do I love the Torah? It is my conversation all day. Something you love you talk about a lot. You know, there's an amazing statement that I heard today in the name of one of my favorite rabbis ever, Rabbi Noach Weinberg of blessed memory. He used to put his kids, children to sleep every night. You know what he used to tell them? I love you so much.
But you know who loves you a heck of a lot more? God. God loves you more than you can ever imagine. Much more than me or your mom. This is Rabbi Noach Weinberg used to say this to his children every single night. I love you so much. Hashem loves you so much more you can't even imagine. This is true. This is something we need to do. And he always spoke about this. Rabbi Noach Weinberg always spoke about this. So what does it tell you about him?
He was a person who always loved God. Because that's what he's talking about. Because I love your Torah, that's what I talk about all day. Because I love the Torah, therefore I always talk about it. You see people who love Torah always talk about Torah. People who love attention will always be seeking attention. Right? Those, whatever it is that you love, are the things that you talk about. Whatever a person loves deeply in his heart, he always talks about it. All right, so now he continues.
He says someone who loves to talk and slander and walk around and tell people all the horrors of other people, such a person is always searching for the flaws of other people. He's always looking. You see that guy? You see that guy? He's looking at everybody. He's talking about everybody. He's looking to talk about them. He says he's like a fly. You know those bothersome flies that whenever you're trying to talk, they're annoying you. Why are they annoying you?
He's going to talk about it in a second. He says where do they go? He says what happens if a person puts dirt out? What gets attracted to the dirt? The garbage? The flies. The flies are attracted to garbage. See he says if you had if you had boils, the flies would forego your body and go straight to the boils. They go straight for the dirt, for the filth. He says so too with someone who speaks Lashon Hara.
He says this person who only sees the bad, there's so much good in that person. But he can't help himself. He has to look at the bad. We also have flaws. You know, it's an amazing thing. In marriage therapy, you know, I talked to a lot of couples who are facing challenges and one of the things that I try to do with couples, and I'm not, I always tell them go to a therapist, go to someone who's, who is, thank you so much,
someone who's really skilled in helping couples who are facing challenges. I tell them what are the qualities that you loved about each other when you got married? And those qualities don't run away. But now instead of focusing on the good stuff, you start focusing on the not-so-good stuff. But those not-so-good stuff were always there, and you even always noticed it. But you decided to focus on the good things.
If you want to live a happy marriage for a hundred and twenty years, for a hundred years if you get married when you're 20, focus on the good. Because the minute you start focusing on the no good, which everyone has at all times, everyone's got a basket of good stuff and a basket of not-so-good stuff. What do you want to focus on? That's the question. If you want to focus on the good stuff, you'll be happily married. You want to focus on the negative stuff,
which every person has, even your next spouse, and the next spouse, and the next spouse, they're all gonna have negative. This is the, this is the, the, the challenge in our world is we, everything has become disposable. We've become a disposable world. Chad pa'ami, one-time use. You use your plastic fork, you throw it out. Use your plastic plate, throw it out. Use your plastic cup, throw it out. So marriages have become single-use, disposable, recyclable, and
it's tragic. Because we don't, it used to be that people had workshops in their garage where they wouldn't throw out a broken chair. They would fix that thing. They would fix that chair. They would bring it into their workshop, and they would drill, and they would glue, and they would this, and they would that. Because it's precious. It's something. It's an heirloom. It's something. Today, it doesn't mean anything. Throw it out.
People throw out everything. There's no, there's no more value, and that's a very, very tragic thing. A person needs to find the good. I want to share with you an idea. I mentioned this today in our Kenny and Ziggy Lunch and Learn. An amazing idea. You know, the first mitzvah that was commanded to the Jewish people, first mitzvah in the Torah, that was commanded to the Jewish people when they left Egypt, HaChodesh Hazel L'Chem Rosh Chodeshim. HaChodesh Hazel L'Chem Rosh Chodeshim.
The month has the beginning. It's called Rosh Chodesh. Should be, no, not Rosh Chodesh. Rosh Chodesh, the laws of Rosh Chodesh. When you see a new moon, you see the new sliver of the moon, oh, it's the Rosh Chodesh. This, of all things, this is the mitzvah, the first mitzvah, the most important mitzvah that you give the Jewish people, Rosh Chodesh, the laws of Rosh Chodesh. It's an astonishing thing. Why?
Why is that the most important mitzvah? And also, why are we saying the blessing on the new moon when it's weak, when it's so small? Shouldn't we make the blessing when it's in full, at full power? The middle of the month, you got a full moon, like tonight. That's perfect. That's the right time. Why are we reciting a blessing on the moon when it's so small? Our sages tell us the Jewish people are like the moon. God is like the sun, and the Jewish people like the moon.
Sages tell us when you see even the slightest sliver of goodness in another Jew, oh, recite a blessing. Say blessing. Say, look how blessed he is. Look at the good. Look at that little sliver of good. Because everybody's got within themselves an awesome treasure of goodness. So we look for the little sliver in every person. Sometimes it's covered with a lot of facade, with a lot of fake, with a lot of, you know,
people have to show themselves as being big, and being heroes, and being special, and being show-offy, whatever it may be. Person needs to allow themselves to see that little sliver of goodness. Shem says that's the first thing. You're leaving now Egypt? You guys are all slaves. I know you have a slave mentality. You're gonna need 40 years in the desert. Don't forget, always find the good in another person. It's a very, very powerful lesson. And we'll tell you a little story about one man.
So a group of students went with their rabbi, and they were going through a forest. In the middle of the forest, they see, they smell the stench. They see that there's a dead carcass of an animal. So they say, oh, it's disgusting. What a terrible smell. What did the rabbi say? Kam melevanim shinea, but look how beautiful his teeth are. Look how beautiful his teeth are. Hechokha meokhiach la'osa adam ve'amar lo.
Lamar tomar ha'gnai shalom. Tomar hashvach. Why are you saying that what the sage was telling his students wasn't anything, but don't look at the negative. Look at the positive. Focus on the positive. Kilo olam yisaper adam b'shiv choshal olam. A person should always talk about the positivity, about the positive that there is in this world. There's so much good in this world. A person must take the opportunity to identify the good that is around him and to praise it.
Hear this, Mark? It's an important thing. You got to look for the good. You got to look for the good. Search for it. It's there. It's waiting. Just identify it. How many people get so encouraged it changes their life? Because one person saw their virtue. One person brought their qualities to light and that saved them. Particularly our own children. We have to find the sliver of good. You know, you're gonna have children. Some are gonna be easier. Some are gonna be more difficult.
You've got to find that sliver of goodness in each one and praise it. Praise it. Bring it to life. All right, my dear friends, this concludes day number 140.

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