Jewish Inspiration Podcast · Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe

00:01 - Intro (Announcement)
You're listening to Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe, Director of TORCH, the Torah Outreach Resource Center of Houston. This is the Jewish Inspiration Podcast.

00:12 - Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe (Host)
Ben Adam, day number 74. Individual person, human being. Listen carefully Shuv be'ot sha'acharoto, shal'cho mo'eles. A person should repent while your regret is still useful, something so important. Sometimes we have a moment of inspiration and we have a little bit of regret. Oh, I wish I didn't do that. I wish that didn't happen to me. I wish you know what Immediate Says the author. Don't wait till you're on your deathbed to now say, oh, I wish I would have done this, I wish that I would have done that. You know what they say. Nobody on their deathbed ever, ever, ever said I wish I spent more time at work. But you know what they do say I wish I spent more time with my family. I wish I spent more time with my children. You know, rabbi Noah Weinberg had an amazing, amazing phrase that he would say all the time If you don't know what you're ready to die for, you haven't begun living.

01:36
What am I ready to die for? Am I ready to die for my job, for my career, for my vacation? What am I ready to die for? So why do I live for those things? I'm ready to die for my family. I'm ready to die for my children, for my spouse. Why do they not see me for dinner? Why am I not there to play with them? Why am I not there to talk with them, to hold their hand, to encourage them? If I'm ready to die for them, shouldn't I live for them? Am I ready to die for my Judaism? Oh, there are a lot of Jews who are ready to die for their Judaism, the highest level of Jewishness, someone who's ready to commit their lives To not serve idolatry, to stay firm to their loyalty and commitment to God. So why don't we live like Jews? If I'm ready to die for it, shouldn't I live for it? He says.

02:43
The author says don't wait till you're dead, he says. He says. The author says don't wait till you're dead. He says because then you're going to have regret and there's no way to fix it. There's nothing you can do. What are you going to do from a hospital bed? Can't fix it, but right now we can.

03:05
You did something inappropriately to your friend. You harmed them, you insulted them. Have regret, don't just have regret in your heart. Oh, I really feel bad. No, no, no. Go over and say I am sorry. Please forgive me.

03:30
But if your friend intentionally hurt you, they did something to you and they have regret for what they have done and they come to you to try to appease you. Accept their appeasement. Don't be, don't hold a grudge against them and don't be harsh against them, saying, oh, I'm not going to forgive them. No, not on my watch. How many people have we seen, have we met, who are so stubborn oh, they didn't invite me to their child's wedding. There's no coming back. How many people have I met, sadly, in this very room, who have told me that they have a sibling that they haven't spoken to, or a child they haven't spoken to because they didn't get along? Guys, grow up. Why we're not going to be here forever. Let's take that regret. Let's put it into action. If you're not even sure, if he really does have regret, but he's putting himself out there, accept him.

05:10
What's if you followed what the Torah said? The Torah says that if someone does something wrong, you should correct them. You should give constructive criticism to your fellow beloved person. Be very careful how you say it. But what's if you said out of your heart, but you said it the wrong way? Now they're angry with you. What do you do?

05:48
He says, certain times we have to soften it. And if you're able to soften it. Do so Didn't mean to hurt. You Didn't mean to hurt you, didn't mean to insult you. He says but don't you have to be careful not to regret if you're correcting someone? For example, your child runs into the street, so you grab them right before they get into the street. And then you, gary, you wouldn't, because you speak so kindly and so gently to everyone, but imagine that you'd say something harsh to your child. Don't ever run into the street like that again. Now the child starts crying. Don't apologize for being harsh. Maybe you can soften it. I'm sorry I spoke so harshly, but you have to understand it really is dangerous and I love you very much.

06:35
And for you to run into the street is really, really dangerous. You can soften it. That doesn't mean you should have regret and remove what you have corrected them. Regret is the proper path for all good deeds. If a person neglected his Torah study, he should regret the neglect and resolve to study Torah with all his strength. If a person prays without any intention, you should have regret. I stood there like a puppet saying words. I have regret. How did I stand before the great king, below Lev Lechavim, without proper focus and intention? If a person likes to speak idle chatter, idle activities, a person should be extremely regretful and repent and reflect what have I done Instead of talking about politics? I could have acquired a better seat in the world to come. And when a person is at an older age, they should regret if they had any time in their earlier years. And when a person is at an older age, they should regret, if they had any time in their earlier years, that they didn't properly serve Hashem. And this is his summary of this chapter on regret. Take this conclusion, this great principle. Conclusion, this great principle Ta'ach shov, b'livcha, al kol, dover, she'osiso. Evaluate everything that you've done in your life.

08:39
The halacha tells us that one, before they go to sleep, should evaluate their day. What did I do with my day? Who did I meet? Who did I talk to? What did I say? How did I say Was I pleasant? Was I friendly? Was I meet? Who did I talk to? What did I say? How did I say Was I pleasant? Was I friendly? Was I kind? Was I giving? Was I embracing? Was I encouraging or was I being obnoxious? Did I say something which wasn't appropriate? Did I perhaps make them feel bad, which is a biblical prohibition? It was a shock to me.

09:16
We learned this many, many, many months ago in this book, where the Torah tells us lo sonu ishe samisehu, you shall not cause pain to another Jew, any type of pain. That doesn't mean not throwing a dagger at them. That's not what it means. It means a dagger of words. You insult them, you give them a nickname hey, shorty, how you doing Right? No, that's not appropriate. Sensitive. They feel bad, they feel humiliated. People laughed, so I've gone the wrong way. What am I doing? What am I doing to correct that? I'll call mitzvah shalom, nisharta, lasos, b'kitikuno and any mitzvah that one may have possibly done so.

10:12
I was telling you that before we go to sleep, the halacha says a person should review their day and forgive every person that sinned against them in that day and ask the Almighty that he put the desire in the people that I may have sinned that they forgive me in their heart as well. Imagine, every day we took the time to evaluate whether or not our actions were suitable for our stature as a father, mother, as a brother, as a sister, as a child, as a community member, as a Jew, as a congregant. Did I act in the appropriate way? Did I perhaps forsake my own status for popularity, status meaning the level you should be in spiritually, the status that you should be acting like we tzach shov, we tiskotet b'libcha? I said you should be acting like V'etach shov, v'tiskotet b'libcha. I said you should be very careful and you should have regret for any one of your actions that you did not live up to the standards that you set for yourself. Eich lo radaf di lasus ritzon bori baruch hu. How did I forsake my relationship with the Almighty?

11:41
Imagine this you know what's the problem if you're trying to head west to Austin or to San Antonio All right, you're supposed to have a meeting at one o'clock they say, okay, did you leave on time? I left on time, I'm heading in the right direction. Turns out that you're heading east instead of west. You have two problems. Number one is that you're not heading the direction that you wanted to, but also you're going to have to make up. Not only you went 50 miles the wrong way, you're going to have to go 50 miles the right way, the correct way, to catch up to where you would have been.

12:20
It's a terrible thing. You see, when we have the opportunity to do a good deed, when we have the opportunity to do a good deed and we don't, there's two problems. Number one I did a bad deed. Number two I violated the opportunity of doing a good deed. Oh, that's not good. Not enough that I didn't do the good deed, I did a bad deed instead of it. That's a big problem. That's accountability that we're going to have to take and which the author here brings from the Torah that one has to calculate in their regret.

13:06
Ve'eh hozavti divri hechomim umos reyhem ha-tovim. How did I leave? The words of the sages, and they're good messages. Nim tzei zacharotei tikun gado l'cholamitzvah socholamidosi. Turns out that regret can be a very, very positive trait. If we use it as a tool, as a vehicle to correct our ways, if we use it as a vehicle to enhance our life moving forward. This, my dear friends, is something which is so, so, critically important. So this concludes chapter 11 of the book of the ways of the righteous, and, god willing, next week we will resume with chapter 12. And now to my friends who are on YouTube, facebook, twitter, all the other various platforms thank you so much for joining us. Please like this. If you like this video, share it so that other people can enjoy the study of Torah and follow. Thank you, thank you. I got my social media specialist here. Thank you so much. My advisor help sponsor an episode so we can continue to produce more quality Jewish content for our listeners around the globe.

14:30 - Intro (Announcement)
You've been listening to Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe on a podcast produced by TORCH, the Torah Outreach Resource Center of Houston. Please help sponsor an episode so we can continue to produce more quality Jewish content for our listeners around the globe. Please visit torchweb.org to donate and partner with us on this incredible endeavor.