Jewish Inspiration Podcast · Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe

00:01 - Intro (Announcement)
You're listening to Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe, Director of TORCH, the Torah Outreach Resource Center of Houston. This is the Jewish Inspiration Podcast.

00:12 - Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe (Host)
But now, my dear friends, we continue with Day 77, on page 455, in the Gate of Anger, in the Orchah Tzaddikim, in the Ways of the Righteous. And we see here in the second paragraph, that anger causes arrogance in man. You know one of the traits that is brushed over when someone is angry they'll never admit to the truth. They'll never you show them that they're wrong, but they're angry, so they don't care. They'll never you show them that they're wrong but they're angry, so they don't care. They just brush it off. But but? But? You can see this a lot today in the media. You can see it a lot in you. Look as an objective observer. You'll see that they're never willing to admit their wrongdoing. Ever Politicians are like this. You don't find the finest traits among politicians.

01:12
V'im v'amr achocham. What did King Solomon say? Y'shetir tzili yishaber imodam hachiseihu, v'im yodel ocho ha-emes b'shas kaso yishaber lo. He says, if you want to know the right person to connect with, you want to choose a friend. Make him angry and, despite his anger, if he is able to be truthful, make him a friend, notwithstanding his anger, something which is so rare that someone who's angry and is still going to be truthful. וְשָׁעָשָּקָּשוּ, אִשְׁחָּבְרְלֹוֹ, וְאִםְלָּבְעָזֹּוֹבּוֹשוֹ. And if he cannot maintain that Anger brings a person to terrible mistakes, מי לא נוגדו ממושר רבינו, who is a greater example than Moses. אהלווה שלום of blessed memory.

02:11
שקעס בשלושה מקומוס, who got angry three times and all three times, ובל אכלל תוס came to mistake. מושר נמר וייקצוף על עוזר ועל עיסומר. We see that he got angry with Eliezer Nisomer, followed by why did you not eat the sin offering in the sacred area? We see that there was a mistake. That happened because there was anger. Listen, you rebellious ones. It's continued. We see as well that he hit the rock and we see right next to it.

02:57
And Moshe was angry with the commanders of the army, followed by, followed by v'uksiv, v'yomer, elozer, hakoin, elan she'a tova habayim l'melchama zoz chukas haTorah. You see over there the verse states and Elozer, the priest, said to the men of the army who had gone to war this is the law of the Torah, indicating that Moshe had forgotten the law. V'nish'takcha halacha mi Moshe. He got angry and he forgot some Torah. Now we need to understand if such a devastating result was for Moses. How many times?

03:37
Moses was a very humble man and when he got angry, he didn't get angry like we get angry. He got angry because of the honor of Hashem. He got angry, but it doesn of Hashem. He got angry, but it doesn't make a difference. Anger still has an impact. And notwithstanding that he was so righteous and so holy that the Torah says that there was no one who has ever walked the earth that was holy like Moshe no one, no one as refined, no one as perfect as Moshe, no one as refined, no one as perfect as Moshe. And yet, the three times he got angry, three times made a mistake and the third of which he forgot what he needed to teach the Jewish people that one of his students needed to teach it. He was the wisest of the wise, he was the leader of all the prophets. What's about those dumb people, the simpletons who get angry? We lose our senses completely. Therefore, king Solomon says do not be hasty to become angry. Why? Because anger does terrible, devastating damage. Be very careful Because it destroys. It's so destructive the anger.

05:10
Our sages told us that one who tears his garments and scatters his money and breaks his vessels in his anger should be in your eyes as one who serves idols. This is an idolater meaning. It's a lesson for us to learn, not that we're trying to judge other people. We don't judge. We're not in the business of judging. As the Mishnah tells us, don't judge your friend until you're standing in his place. You know when you're going to be standing in his place. Never Just like you'll never be standing in his place. Don't ever judge somebody else. What do you know about the challenges they're facing? But there's something to learn from it. I'm not judging, but I see it. It's a picture on the wall, it's a moving video in front of me where I see the guy got angry and did crazy things. And when someone gets angry, it's like he served idols.

06:18
Shekach umnuso shel yetzahor. This is the craft of the evil inclination. Hayom omerlocha seikach. Today he tells you to do this, l'mochra omerlocha lechavod abodazor. And tomorrow. Now he says get angry. Tomorrow he says why don't you just serve the idol already? V'holech v'oveh. Then, sadly, the person follows suit and follows the request of his Yetzhara.

06:44
U'ba'avur kein kosov, lo u'yebcho el zar. And this is the verse that tells you let there not be in you a strange God. U'ba'avur kein kosov, lo u'yebcho el zar. She yeish begufosh olodam. What is a strange God in a man's body? That's the evil inclination.

07:10
Have you ever seen a Yetzirah. You see how the Yetzirah takes over us when we're angry. Anybody who's like you guys are the nicest people in the world Probably never, ever got angry. But anybody who has been angry, or even whatever it is, you realize. You look back. You're like I was acting like a monster. I was acting like a crazy person. Pull the tape, look at how view yourself. When you're angry, we look like we're crazy, terrible thing. That in itself should be a tool to change our reaction to things and not get angry. I don't want to be like that crazy guy I saw who acted in such a way, in such a dishonorable way.

08:11
Ve'amar rabi arba midos b'deos. There are four types of temperaments Noach l'chos, ve'noach l'irtzos, yotzef sedu b'schorom. Easy to anger and easy to appease. The lost is offset by the reward. Someone who's hard to anger and hard to appease. The reward is offset by the loss. Someone who's easy to anger and hard to appease is a wicked person, is a Rasha. But you want to know what a pious person is someone who's hard to anger and easy to appease? Very difficult to anger. It's like Hillel. Go try to anger Hillel. By the way. This it's like Hillel. Go try to anger Hillel. By the way.

09:05
This person who pulled Hillel out of his bathhouse before Shabbos, you know he had a bet on 400 gold coins that he would be able to anger Hillel and he lost the bet and he cursed Hillel after he tried so many attempts. He says there should never be anyone like you. He says why would you say that, my son? He says because I lost 400 gold coins because I couldn't get you angry. He says it's worth it for you to lose double the amount of coins for me not to get angry.

09:45
Meaning it's such a devastating bankruptcy for a person's spiritual self to get angry. It's the lowest Anger is bankruptcy. That's when we're bankrupt. We're devoid of value, we're devoid of character. That's when we get angry. And to not be appeasable, that nobody can appease us, that's a terrible state to be in. It comes from arrogance, it comes from anger, it comes from me feeling like, no, you did something wrong and I'm never going to forgive you.

10:19
Who is easy to appease? The Almighty? We come to Hashem. We say God is forgiving, god is easy to forgive, he's easy to appease. All we have to do is ask.

10:39
Imagine if it was that easy when we have people who've sat around this table, who have siblings or children. They don't talk to Imagine if it was that easy. When we have people who've sat around this table, who have siblings or children, they don't talk to Imagine if it were that easy. Just go over and say I'm sorry, I'm sorry, you know what, if they did something, if they didn't do what their parent thinks they did, or if their child thinks they did, it doesn't make a difference. Imagine if it was just that easy to go over and say you know, I was wrong, I'm sorry, I was wrong, I'm sorry, I'm devastated by what I did. I know it hurt you, please forgive me. And they say sure, no problem, easy to appease, no problem. Imagine it would be that easy. That's what we have to aspire to, to attain that level of piety.

11:18
Ve'elu arba midos namros neged atzadik. And these are the four. These four temperaments are stated about a righteous person. He says these four temperaments are stated about a righteous person venting his anger against good people or in the affairs of the world. But if one has difficulty being aroused to anger against transgressors and is easily reconciled to them, this is an evil trait, for he allows himself to be reconciled to them. This is an evil trait For he allows himself to be reconciled with the wicked. This is something which we see time and again, that we should not be okay with sinners. You're being appeased by the wicked. Definitely someone who is very easy to get angry at the righteous but very, very easily appeased by the wicked, and someone who is difficult for them to get angry at the Rishayim at the wicked, but very easy for them to easily angry at the Rishayim, at the wicked, but very easy for them to easily reconcile with the wicked and with difficulty with the righteous, such a person is absolutely wicked. Af al pi shahakas midoramod.

12:56
Now, we've said a lot of things about anger. Anger is a very difficult, very terrible trait. Notwithstanding that, af al pi shahakas midoram that, even though it's a terrible trait, there are times where conduct with this trait is warranted, for example. Warranted, for example, to instill reverence. So he says to chastise the wicked, to instill reverence in the members of his household or to command respect from his students. So I just want to explain what this means to have instill reverence in the members of his household. This is so that children should learn the proper way to conduct their lives.

13:54
If your child learns from you to always be honest and sees that you get very irritated when there's even a slightest notion of dishonesty. That fear that you'll be upset at that dishonesty will keep them on the track of honesty If they see he has no tolerance for it whatsoever. I've said this before I have a very, very high tolerance threshold for many things, but for chutzpah, if my children have disrespect either for my wife or I or for a teacher or a rabbi, I go crazy. I lose it. My children know that. So what does that do? They know that's a tool they can never, ever use. Never, ever, ever be disrespectful to a teacher, never, ever be disrespectful to an elder. That's something that they so having such a measure for them keeps them on track. Same thing with students.

15:10
Students need to learn the right and the wrong. When they see that there's a certain firmness to a specific something, they learn. This is not the right way to go. But again, even then, a teacher needs to be wise. But again, even then, a teacher needs to be wise. An educator needs to be very smart and very tactful in how they do things and how they teach such a message. It's not a good thing for a teacher, for a parent, to be a strict person, an unwavering person. You have to be loving and kind and gentle.

15:43
When someone is angry at a transgressor, he must weigh the extent of his anger, because Moses told us a blessed memory. What did he say? You are a society of sinful men. What did he say you are a society of sinful men. Lekach ben b'no naseh kohen lap'silim. Because he said such a harsh term, his descendant became a priest of idols, even though he was angry. For the sake of heaven, right Ve'af ha'pish, shal Hashem, shamayim kas Hakol tzarach mida.

16:24
Everything needs balance. We talked about this a hundred times. Everything in Judaism is balance. Extremism in Judaism is not Judaism. There is no extremism in Judaism. It's always balance. In all of the matters of man, we need's always balanced. In all of the matters of man, we need to be balanced, not to be angry, but not to be too passive either. There has to be a balance.

16:56
Charity is a great thing, but if you give away your child's dinner, you give away your rent. That's irresponsible. That's not dinner. You give away your rent, right? That's irresponsible, that's not kind. You're being irresponsible. You have your own children that you have responsibility to feed, understand. It's not enough for a person to say I want to be kind and therefore I'm just going to just give everything I have. You have to be able to feed. You have a responsibility to your wife, to your children, et cetera, et cetera.

17:26
Be'af al pi'i, shal'eshem shomayim kas. Even though Moses was l'shem shomayim, for the sake of heaven, still it was imbalanced. Hakol tzarech mida. Everything needs balance. Be'yireh he'ich yaseh mit mitzvos, ben bekaso, ben b'schoko. He must deliberate how to perform the mitzvos, both when angry and both when in good spirits. It doesn't say oh, when you're in a good mood, put on tefillin, but when you're not in a good mood, you're not obligated. No, even when you're angry, you have to perform the mitzvos. How can you perform a mitzvah when you're angry? It's not appropriate.

18:01
You know, there's a story that I heard about Rav Moshe Feinstein, one of the great, great leaders of the last century and one of his students. He was known to be the most gentle, gentle, kind, pious man, and one of his students was once in the waiting room and he hears Rabbi Feinstein yelling at a student, yelling at a student, yelling at a student. He didn't know who the student was. It was private, private meeting. He hears from the other room. He was next in line.

18:33
Student leaves and he goes into the office. He didn't see who the student was. He sees Rabbi Moshe Feinstein is calm, he's smiling. He says, rabbi, if you don't mind me asking, he says I just heard you yelling. How can you be so calm after yelling like that? Is me angry, god forbid. He says he needed to see an angry face. So I made it believe I was angry. He says but me, lose my composure, me be angry. No, god forbid.

19:04
That's perhaps a glimpse into how we should deal with parenting. When there are things that our children do that need to have a face of anger, we have to be careful that it not be angry, because that gives off a terrible, terrible message to our children. So you know, there's actually a story that was told about a father who was in synagogue with his son and his son was making noise in synagogue. So the father started yelling at his son angrily, very angry yelling at his son. The rabbi later called father aside.

19:48
He says you know what you just did to your child? You taught him, you told him that talking in synagogue is not good, but you showed him that anger is okay and that's not acceptable. That means we need to lead by example. And when a child sees that you're respecting prayer, you're respecting the dignity of a synagogue properly, okay, so then they learn that. But when you're demonstrating, children learn by example. They don't learn from words. You can tell them from today till tomorrow, one thing and another thing. They're not going to listen, they're not going to learn from that. They will see how you conduct yourself. That's what they learn from when they see that something is valuable to you.

20:44
Someone once asked my grandfather how do you teach a child to pray and to say the blessings appropriately? He says when you're praying with diligence, with fervor, with connection, and your child comes to you and starts asking you something, so you can respond and say shh. Or you can tell them no, no, no, or you can just stay exactly focused, the way you are, and they will learn he's talking to somebody. He's talking to somebody. He wouldn't just be sitting in his chair and just be talking words to nobody. There must be a God. A child learns from that. There's a creator. A child learns from that. This is how I pray Without making the motions, without making a whole to-do Adam sheesh pomidas hakas u'machriach es midosav es minhago.

22:03
A man who has the trait of anger and diffuses it as if he were slow to anger. He has a temper, but he controls it. Doesn't let anything blow his fuse about such a person, it is written. One who is slow to anger is better than the man of strength, and one who rules his spirit is better than the conqueror of a city. Be'erech ha'paim hu'mishlo shesher midos ha'nemros. And one who rules his spirit is better than the conqueror of a city and someone who is slow to anger. These are one of the 13 perfect attributes of the Almighty Hashem. He possesses this trait of slow to anger. Hashem is so patient, so calm. Imagine if you were God. Let's play God for a second and you see, you have your whole world you created, you gave everyone, everything.

23:05
So anybody remember how long it took Noah to build the ark? Anybody remember how long it took Noah to build the ark? Anybody remember 120 years, 120. God saw that they were sinning. He tells them to start building, didn't he? You think he'd tell them, noah, you think you can hurry it up a little? You know, I mean these people, the sins. It's just crazy. I mean, come on, noah, maybe you can do overtime, noah, maybe you can speed this up, speed up the process here. What's going on? No, hashem is slow to anger. Think about Sodom. Hashem comes to Abraham and says Abraham, I'm about to destroy the city of Sodom. Why, what's about the people? Oh, they're doing terrible things. You think God would have. We would have flipped over the city already and then told them. By the way, I did that. Said. Then says to Abraham Abraham says you know, hashem, maybe if there's you, know, 45 righteous people, 40 righteous 35, he does a whole negotiation with God.

24:10
God's not rushing to head the stone, to destroy the place. What's going on? Because Hashem is slow to anger. Why is Hashem slow to anger? Because Hashem loves us and Hashem wants us to come close to Him. Hashem wants us to come close to Him. Hashem wants us to return. Hashem wants us to correct our ways. Therefore, hashem waits and waits and waits and waits. 120 years. Hashem waited for Noach and his generation, hoping they'll see this enormous ark, that someone will wake up and say you know what? It's time to stop what we're doing, Stop the nonsense, stop the craziness. After 120 years, hashem says that's enough, that's enough, I waited enough. So Hashem gives them a punishment, severe punishment, and at the time of Abraham, we see this again and again. Hashem doesn't rush things. There's no rush. Hashem is slow to anger. We have to learn that this is a trait that is so incredibly important. All right, my dear friends, we're going to do one more segment here, one more segment to conclude this chapter.

25:35 - Intro (Announcement)
You've been listening to Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe on a podcast produced by TORCH, the Torah Outreach Resource Center of Houston. Please help sponsor an episode so we can continue to produce more quality Jewish content for our listeners around the globe. Please visit torchweb.org to donate and partner with us on this incredible endeavor.