Jewish Inspiration Podcast · Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe

You're listening to Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe of TORCH in Houston, Texas. This is the Jewish Inspiration Podcast.

Welcome back everybody. Good evening. Welcome to the Mussar Masterclass, Mussar Mondays. We are in the Gate of Flattery. This is part two, day number 131, page 741, and we are continuing Flattery. So we talked about six different components of flattery. Today, we're going to talk about the seventh. Someone who sees that the people of his place are of a stiff-necked nature. But Omer Bilibon, he says in his own heart,
Because we mentioned previously that a person who sees the wrongdoing of his community, of his neighbors, of his friends, should reprimand them. Obviously, we spoke about the laws of reprimand, of tochacha, that it must be done in a way that will be accepted, in a way that will be beloved by those who are the recipients. But if someone knows that they're not going to hear and listen to what he has to say because they're a stiff-necked people, And for that reason he refuses to
rebuke them. He abstains from rebuking them. Just know that this is also a sin and you'll have to bear the weight of that sin. Because you didn't even attempt, you didn't even try to warn them. Maybe they will listen. If you gave it enough thought, if you gave it enough potential, perhaps they would have listened. And this we see, even very, very completely righteous people were punished during the destruction of the first temple. But if it's known to all, and it's tested and confirmed that the sinners
hate instruction, they hate guidance, they don't want to hear it from anybody. We know that he hates all type of reproval, he hates all type of reprimand. Do not reprove the mocker lest he hate you. And our sages, we learned this from King Solomon, our sages teach us that it is critically important to know who it is that you're talking to. If you're talking to somebody who is not going to listen to you anyway, then why are you bothering? If you know that the person is
going to hate you for it, then even worse, certainly don't say anything. Which by the way, I think is important for us as parents to know our children. Not everything that a parent sees do they need to say. You can see things and your child knows you saw it, and the child will grow more by not hearing the reprimand than by hearing it. There's so many examples I can give of my parents where I knew they caught me red-handed and they never said a word.
They never said a word. I was like, oh my gosh. To me, it felt like I had a bigger responsibility to correct my way because if they would say something, okay, so now I'm not going to listen, but they didn't say anything. So now I better change what it is that I'm doing. It really is, it's an amazing science of how we deal with our children. But the truth is with any human being, every person is unique and every person is different, and we never know what package
they are coming with. This is the Gemara that we mentioned so many times from Yevamot 65b, where the Talmud says, just like there's a mitzvah to tell somebody something that they will listen, there's a mitzvah to not say anything to the person who will not listen. It's better for people to sin unintentionally than to sin intentionally. So that's another important point, is that a person shouldn't assume, oh, I can't say anything,
I'm not going to even try because they're not going to listen. Do you know? Maybe they will listen. Maybe, in fact, the words that you say will inspire them and change them and guide them in a whole new direction. Okay, number seven. Hashmini, hashomea midabrei, loshon hara onoval, someone who hears people speak slander or profanity. Oh, yoshiv besod misachakim, ubozei toro mitzvos, where he sits in the midst of scoffers and shamers of Torah and mitzvos,
they laugh at the people who are observing the Torah, they laugh at those who are learning Torah, they laugh at those who are observing the mitzvos, v'yodei yodeya shehem k'shei oref, and he knows that they're stiff-necked. He knows that they're going to scorn at his reproof. It's important for a person not to stay quiet. Say something, but say something smart. Say something in a way that they will be able to hear. Because sometimes when you remain silent, silence is a form of agreement. The Talmud says,
we learned this, silence is a form of agreement. So if I look at someone doing something, which is a terrible sin, and I don't say anything, it's sort of like I'm giving a nod of approval to what they're doing. Ki hu chayiv ligor behem loses gedulol d'la Torah v'la mitzvos, v'lekanei v'lichbod lichbod ha'tzadik shehoshiyo. So, you know, imagine you see someone doing something. We learned this, we mentioned this last week when we pulled out the teachings of Ramchal. Ramchal brings in chapter 19
of the Mesir Hashasharim, and the ways of the upright, he brings the way in which a person expresses his love for G-d. One of the ways in which one expresses the love for G-d is when you stand up for G-d's honor. When you stand up for G-d's honor. You see, if someone insults your friend, okay, so my friend can stand up for themselves. Someone insults your neighbor, okay, my neighbor can stand up for themselves. But someone insults my mother? Oh,
now it's getting personal, right? That's when people take off their gloves and they're ready to beat anyone. You said, what about my mother? It's an astonishing thing. Why? Because I identify myself through my mother. So if my mother is a nobody, I'm a nobody. If my father is a nobody, I'm a nobody. So I stand up for them. But what's my relationship with G-d? If my relationship with G-d isn't that I stand up for G-d, maybe I don't have a relationship.
Because those that I do have a relationship with, I stand up for them. So the Ramchal brings that that a person's display of zealousness towards those who go against G-d is a very, very important aspect of displaying one's love for G-d. He brings it right over here in the middle of and there are many ways over there. That chapter is probably the most powerful chapter, chapter 19 in the here, cleaving to G-d, dveikos,
joy in serving G-d. And then here, number three, page 395 in the Messias Yisharim of Arts Scroll, he says, we hear the zealousness of defending G-d's honor. He says, This demands that a person be zealous for the sake of his holy name. Hating G-d's enemies and attempting to subdue them however he can, so that his service be carried out and his honor increased. And he goes further over here to discuss different ways in which one can impress his love for G-d
through zealousness. And I think it's a very, very powerful idea that we don't want to just be sitting idly by on the side when G-d's honor is being decimated. Okay. This is one of the reasons that a person, you have great friends, but sometimes they start talking negatively, especially if they mock those who are doing good, the will of G-d. That's one of the reasons to leave friendships. Not many reasons, but that's one of them.
Someone who mocks those, why? Because then you'll always be in an environment of someone who is disregarding your growth. Someone who's going to mock your growth, and that's not a great place to be in. Now over here, this person hears them doing, saying, acting in a way that's inappropriate, and he feels like he can't answer them. He can't say anything. What's going to be ultimately the result? He's going to start acting the way they act. And you'll be punished, obviously, for that.
This King Salmon teaches us, Do not be envious of evil men, nor desire to be with them, for their hearts study destruction and their lips talk wrong. Ratzolamah, what does he mean to say here, King Salmon? This is a way of saying, I don't want to be with evil people. I don't want to be in a relationship with evil people. I don't want to be in a relationship with evil people. This is, you will bear their sin when constantly hearing their evil words and remaining silent.
So if a person, why, eventually it has an impact. Eventually, we are influenced by the negative environment that we surround ourselves. One who honors the wicked by way of courtesy. He's not going to speak well of the wicked person. He doesn't give him honor where others will be led to believe that he actually respects them. He's not going to distribute honor towards them, to them. Or he will apportion his honor only in the manner that people honor the wealthy, by way of buttering up an expectation
of gain because their ways have prospered and not because of their intrinsic worth. So it's like I give honor, honor like anybody else gives honor. No, I'm not gonna show them. But here too lies sin and wrongdoing for though it is permitted to honor the wealthy, it is not so with the wicked. A person can never be neutral when it comes to dealing with a wicked person. The best solution is to not be near them at all.
But if a person is, the person can't even be cordial. Being cordial means you're being approving of it. I'll give you an example. If you had the opportunity to meet someone who is, you know, let's say Hugo Chavez and everyone agreed that he wasn't exactly the icon of civilization, right? So definitely not of righteousness. So imagine you meet the person. What do you say? You compliment the person? You tell him he's nice? No! Because it's evil.
You don't give, you don't validate such a person by just staying silent. The only way a person is allowed to honor the wicked is on the grounds of fear. The only way a person can do that is if they fear that they will be, that they will cause them injury or loss at the time that they have the upper hand. So you want to just keep it, it's like what people do in politics today.
I'm not saying that anybody's righteous or evil in politics today in the United States, but we all know that when one side is on top, the other side is on the bottom. But we all know that when one side is on top, they're going to take advantage of the other side who's not on, who's on bottom. And when one side, the other side that's on bottom gets on top, they're going to take advantage
of those who are going to be on bottom. So you want to just keep a balance and that's why he says for that reason you can. So again, we're doing it only for when they're in power. We want to make sure that they don't have the upper hand over us. It was therefore permitted to honor them as people honor the powerful out of fear and fright by standing, deferring, and the like, but it was not permitted to praise them or to speak well of them to others.
So you don't go around and say he's the nicest guy in the world. You don't say that about the ayatollah, the nicest guy in the world. You don't say that. And as well our sages of blessed memory said, It is permitted to flatter the wicked in this world, however, there are some wicked people whom we are not permitted to flatter at any time. Where did we learn this from? From Mordechai, the story of Haman in the Megillah.
Maybe you should kiss up, flatter Haman so you will be nicer to the Jewish people. And what did he say? Do not seek their peace or their good. But they said, but our rabbis taught that it is permitted to flatter the wicked to keep the peace. Mordechai refused. He refused to accept it and as it is written in the book of Esther, and he did not stand or stir for him, for Haman. He did not budge.
This is something which is so incredibly important for us to understand and to internalize. There are certain, we have to know who we're dealing with. We have to be wise about it. We can't be blind. We have to know what world we're living in and we have to know what the status that we carry is also something that we need to be cognizant of. What do I mean by that? Who was Mordechai? Mordechai was the leader of the Jewish people in that generation.
He was the leader of the Jewish people. For him to do certain things would be different than someone else doing it. Because he represents the entire Jewish people. You remember, I may have told you this story recently. I remember saying it. I don't remember if I said it here in one of the classes, but Reb Chaim Ozer, who was a very, very prominent rabbi who lived in Europe prior to the Holocaust, he was presiding over a case that came to him, a dispute
of two different print houses and each one was fighting who had the right to print the Talmud. And he listened to both sides and one of them was a widow and her children who were orphans from their father and Reb Chaim Ozer gave the ruling that they had the right to print the Talmud. The other print house got very upset that they lost the case and they started saying about Reb Chaim Ozer, about the leader of the Jewish people in that generation,
that, oh, he wasn't being fair and he wasn't being honest and he wasn't this and he wasn't that. They were putting out words of slander and inappropriate talk about the leader of the generation. Okay, they finally got to their senses and they're like, what in the world were we, what were we saying about the leader of the Jewish people, of the generation? They went back and they asked for forgiveness and he said, me as an individual, I would forgive you, but I represent the Jewish people.
And as a representative of the Jewish people, as the leader of the Jewish people, I can't forgive on their honor because I represent them. Meaning a person needs to know what their status is. It wasn't an arrogant thing. It was a realistic thing. A person needs to know who they are. Okay, some people, you know, when they are in a place, I'll give you an example. The Talmud says that a king who forgoes his honor, his honor is not forgiven.
A king who forgoes his honor, his honor is not forgiven. What does that mean? He says, no, no, no, you can go first. No, no, no, that doesn't, you represent the people. You have a whole kingdom. You represent everybody. It's not your honor. It's the honor of all of your people or all of your constituents. And that's something a person needs to remember and stand up for. Particularly, Mordechai did that because he knew who his people were in his generation.
And he knew that chumming up to Haman would be a complete breakdown of that generation. He needed to be strong. He needed to elevate his community so that they know they can stand up against the forces of Haman and the you know, the evil spirit that was going around during that time of the miracle of the Megillah. All right, so my dear friends, this concludes day number 131.

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