Jewish Inspiration Podcast · Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe

00:01 - Intro (Announcement)
You're listening to Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe, Director of TORCH, the Torah Outreach Resource Center of Houston. This is the Jewish Inspiration Podcast.

00:12 - Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe (Host)
So now we're resuming on page 461, which is day 78, in the ways of the righteous Orch HaSaddikim in the Treasure for Life edition Amar HaChom, the wise man. Who's the wise man? King Solomon Mi shikas o ba'alav v'machshava, someone whose anger comes upon him in thought, meaning he's thinking about getting angry, he's getting irritated. Tireh o lov ha'yishu ve'ahedar. Such a person you'll see upon him. Tireh olov hayishu ve'ahadar. Such a person you'll see upon him will you see composure and grace? Hayishu ve'ahadar U'mi shekasu ba'alov shuloh b'machshava. And one whose anger comes upon him with thoughtlessness. Tireh olov hashtos Upon him. You will see foolishness. Anger comes upon him with thoughtlessness. Tira alav hashtus Upon him. You will see foolishness. That means there is a process to anger. There's a process to anger. It doesn't just boom, descend on you. It comes either through a thought process or without a thought process. If it comes through a thought process and it's you know, someone can anger you. You don't need to respond right away.

01:34
I remember I did something to someone. It was a total mistake, total, total mistake. I can laugh about it now, but then I felt I was very embarrassed. I did something. Someone asked me to do something and I I didn't. I didn't understand what they wanted, and it was a long time later that they brought it to my attention. I felt terrible. I felt so. I was so. I was so grateful that they told me and they didn't bottle it in within themselves. But it was like imagine someone has the composure to keep their senses even though they're about to explode and get angry.

02:18
Imagine Ode Amar HaChacham. King Solomon says further Mi sheka so chazak virugzo amitz eino rochek bina mishugayim anichpim. King Solomon says further One whose anger is strong and his wrath is intense is not far from insanity. You think? An insane asylum. What's going on in an insane asylum? Crazy people, someone who's angry, they lose their composure, they go crazy.

02:48
Mamish, crazy U'mishara gilbakas, and someone who has the habit of getting angry, ein chayiv chayim. His life is not life. The Talmud says that's not life, that's not a way to live life. V'kei von she a way to live life. And because he's never happy, such a person is never happy. Someone who's in a habit of being angry will never be happy and they'll never accept what transpires in their life with love or joy and they do not find justice in Hashem's judgment and they cannot serve Hashem with joy. What a pity to live life with anger. Don't have, don't have life, don't have joy. You don't have. Happiness you don't have, you don have.

03:46
Everything seems dark to you when a person is fasting and when he is beset by some affliction, he is more susceptible to anger. So when someone doesn't eat properly, when there's something called being hangry, you're hungry and you're angry, right. So that's not either a good state. A person has to know. When they are in a such a state you haven't eaten all day, so now you're irritable, right, you get irritated very easily. Got to be very careful or someone is dealing with any type of affliction, you're more susceptible to anger. So you have to know right now I'm in danger zone. So don't say to people don't get me angry now. The contrary, say I'm not going to allow myself to get angry. I know that I'm irritable. I know that I'm irritable, I know that I'm hangry. Guess what? I'm going to have an extra measure of caution so that I don't fall into a trap.

04:53
Ashtiko mevatal ha-sakas, you know what really neutralizes anger Silence. Keep your mouth shut. The minute you open your mouth, oh, you explode, you start getting angry. Also, speaking very gently, as the Ramban teaches us in the letter of the Ramban. Can you pass me the letter of the Ramban from there? What does he say? Thank you, right over here. The beginning of the letter of the Ramban is such a beautiful letter. I urge you all to learn the letter. But you can listen to one of our podcasts we have on this in our series. It's right at the beginning of the letter of the Ramban Tisnaheg tamid lidaber.

05:43
Kol dvarecha b'nachas. Always be in the habit of speaking things pleasantly, with soft voice. L'chod odam uv'chol eis To any person and at any moment, at every moment. U'bezeh ti'not samarakas. This will protect you from anger. You want to stay away from anger? Speak with a gentle voice. L'chein b'zmanim ha'elu Tzorich. Li'zer b'yoseh shaloyichos. In these times, be very careful not to get angry. Ha'shtiku mevatel ha'kas. Either silence or kol namuch mevatel ha'kas, or speaking with a gentle voice. L'chein kishayira. Ha'adam Shekazo mizg.

06:23
When you see that you're about to get angry, you're about to get irritated, your spouse says something and you're about to blow up. Your children do something and you're about to explode, yeshtok silence or speak very gently and don't raise your voice. When you raise your voice, what happens Now that? That? I think it's chemically. When you raise your voice, then you start getting even more angry.

06:59
Have you ever seen when two people are fighting? When they start yelling at each other, they get even more angry and they get even more worked up and even more worked up. It's like what happened their voice. I think it may be a chemical thing, maybe some scientist out here watching on YouTube or Facebook or Twitter you can leave a note and maybe you know something about this but there's like some trigger that gets inspired with every vocalization. They say something and then they say it louder and louder and they start until people blow up and do crazy things. Ach kol, namuch v'ashtikom, ashtikin hakaas. But a gentle voice or silence completely, will subside the anger.

07:52
Want to take the ear out of the anger? Keep your mouth, don't respond, don't say anything. Don't say it. I'm sure you've been in a situation. You're waiting in line at the bank and someone cuts the line. What happens? Someone is going to be there on the line and start yelling Excuse me, sir. Right. Then they start yelling and there's a whole back and forth. Excuse me, what's the person? Who keeps their mouth shut? Who doesn't say anything? The person doesn't get angry. Keep your mouth quiet, don't say anything. You don't need to say anything. What's going to change if you do keep your mouth quiet? You'll just benefit by not getting angry.

08:40
Don't stare in the face of someone else is angry. How do I calm him down? Don't look at him in the face, don't point at him. Instead look away from him, and that way it'll calm him down. You don't want to wake up the lion, the anger within them. Instead, keep it calm, keep it pleasant. You know you have to de-escalate Vida.

09:13
Higmar sikhlo shol. Adam hu, sheyim shol bekaso. The completeness of one's intellect is rulership over their anger. As it is written, a man's intellect is the withholding of his anger. As we mentioned previously, anger leans very strongly to arrogance, to haughtiness. Ve'ein hakas, nimlot min agava. Bukvar yedato re'us ha'gava. And the angry person does not escape haughtiness, whose evils we already know Ve'eroy la'odam shi, yisrachik min hakas.

10:02
It's very important for a person to distance themselves from anger. If you know that you're going to get into a situation where you're going to get angry. Don't get into the situation, don't go, don't, don't. No need we're trying to fix everybody else. Let's not fix it. Let's work on our own anger. Let's not fix it, let's work on our own anger.

10:25
You know there's something that it's justified, your anger it's justified. I'm right, everyone will agree. I'm right. It doesn't make a difference. It's not worth it to break into your anger, even if someone you know that you're about to get angry. Just you know. Don't feel offended. Just make yourself neutral.

11:00
And even if someone hits you, if someone curses, you don't respond, don't even pay attention, be humble. Okay, so they got angry. So you know what. You know the reward for someone who gets humiliated publicly Not pleasant. You know what the Talmud tells us about such a person All of their sins are forgiven and forgotten. You know the gift of being embarrassed, humiliated publicly. Someone laughs at you, someone mocks you, someone insults you, someone denigrates you. You don't respond. All of your sins are forgotten.

11:45
It's a pretty good place to be in. You almost want to desire it. One thing is clear it is better for a very impatient person who angers easily to be indifferent rather than allow himself to become slightly angered. Much, much, much better. Where it is impossible for an easily angered person to feel a little anger in his heart, in the end he will become extremely angry. This means if, once you light that spark, it explodes, it comes into a flame and then, when it comes to a flame, it burns down the whole Los Angeles. You've got to be careful. One just has to be very careful on that spark. Don't let that spark. You let that spark ignite, it goes out of control.

12:51
Someone who doesn't want to be angered. One wishes to withhold anger but at the same time wants to do what our sages tell us is the proper thing to instill the necessary reverence in the members of his household. So what do you do? Oh, or if he's a leader in the community and he wants to display anger against the community so that they return to the right path, they're doing something which is wrong and he wants them to come back on the right course, kei tzad yase. How should it be done? Yare atzmo bifneim shuho, koas kedel yasron? He should show a face of anger so that he can reprimand them, so he can chastise them, but really, internally, be completely calm and resolute. Like you're making him believe. Like you're an act on a stage and you're making him believe you're angry, but you're not really angry. Like you're an act on a stage and you're making believe you're angry, but you're not really angry, it's just an act.

14:14
A person has to be very, very careful when they have guests in their home, not to be harsh at all with their family. Why? Because then the guests are going to feel like you don't like them and you really want them to leave. L'chein yar e'atzmo sameach b'fneim. A person has to show only happiness and joy in front of their guests, not to try to trick them, but to show them that he loves having them. Tzivu chachamim lehishrachek menakas.

14:42
Our sages taught us, instructed us, to distance ourselves from anger. Ad sheyanigatz moshuloyargish afili bidvoram amachisim ad sheyakar akas melibon, that a person should desensitize himself from things that typically would anger him to the point where he's completely removed from any type of anger. He can't be provoked to anger. V'zo'a derech ha'tov, v'derech ha'tzadikim. This is the way of the good people and the people who are righteous. Hei ne'elovem ve'inam olvim. They can be shamed, but they do not return shame. They hear their own disgrace, but they do not answer. They serve out of love and rejoice in afflictions. Unto such, the prophet tells us. And those who love him, love Hashem, are as the going forth of the Sun in its might meaning. There is such an incredible reward for those who refrain from getting angry.

15:52
A dear friends, this concludes our discussion in the or hasuch HaSaddikim on the chapter of the gate of anger. Hashem should bless us all that we never, ever, ever, fall into that trap of anger. Anger is a terrible, terrible trait. It does terrible harm to a person and, as we've demonstrated in many examples throughout the study of this topic, and if possible, for us to stay away with all our might from anger, that is the greatest thing we can do, because anger tears apart relationships. Anger tears apart our own character. All of the qualities that we try to attain through our Muslim study get lost when we're angry. Hashem should bless us that we be protected from this negative trait and even when we need to use anger because it's a mitzvah at times with balance, it should be only external, not internal. Hashem should protect us all. We should all merit to only have the greatest, greatest life filled with clos. Internal Hashem should protect us all. We should all merit to only have the greatest, greatest life filled with closeness to Hashem. Amen

17:14 - Intro (Announcement)
You've been listening to Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe on a podcast produced by TORCH, the Torah Outreach Resource Center of Houston. Please help sponsor an episode so we can continue to produce more quality Jewish content for our listeners around the globe. Please visit torchweb.org to donate and partner with us on this incredible endeavor.