Jewish Inspiration Podcast · Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe

00:01 - Intro (Announcement)
You're listening to Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe, Yehudi Director of TORCH, the Torah Outreach Resource Center of Houston. This is the Jewish Inspiration Podcast.

00:12 - Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe (Host)
All right, welcome back everybody. Welcome back to Muslim Mondays. We are in the midst of our study of the Orch HaSiddikim, the ways of the righteous, in the Treasure for Life edition, on page 450, day number 76. We are in the middle of discussing the gate of anger. What is the gate of anger? The gate of anger, we said anger is a devastatingly awful trait and we ended last week with saying that someone who is angry, someone who is an angry person, ain't no maver al-mivdosov. He never gives in, never overlooks an affront, and someone who hurts him, even by mistake, he doesn't forgive. It is someone who always takes revenge and always holds a grudge. A very, very difficult person to be around. I'm sure we can each think of somebody who we know in our lives that's like that and it's very, very difficult to be around such a person.

01:12
Now the author continues Hakas mevi, adam l'dem achlokas. Anger brings a person towards conflict, towards arguments. Kishru ko esim chaveirov. When someone is angry at their friends, they will fight with him and he will fight with them. And when there is struggle, when there is an argument and a fight, then what happens? Then there is jealousy and there's hatred, and we all know how terrible an internal war among friends. How damaging an argument like that can be, we will later see in the gate of contention. You have to know something, says the author, as we will later see in the gate of contention Hakas monea leiva, adam mikolotovos. You have to know something, says the author Anger will limit, will prevent a person from all the goodness in the world. Someone who's an angry person will miss out on incredible opportunities. For example, says the author, kikisha adam, because when someone is angry, ein lo leiv, lorachem ala'anim will miss out on incredible opportunities. For example, says the author, because when someone is angry, he doesn't have.

02:30
Someone who's angry, doesn't have heart to pity the poor has no mercy. We know that it's written about the Almighty In anger. You remember mercy meaning that God, when God is angry and God is slow In anger, you remember mercy Meaning that God, when God is angry and God is slow to anger, god is easy to forgive, but we, when we get angry, we lose it and therefore we won't have the proper pity, the proper heart that is necessary to deal with the poor. Have the proper pity, the proper heart that is necessary to deal with the poor. The ways of Hashem is very different than the ways of man, flesh and blood. We know that someone who's angry can't focus, they can't have proper intention in their prayer, they are lost. They are lost and it's a terrible thing. Be'en shechina, shora mitoch kas. We know that the presence of Hashem does not reside where there is anger.

03:36
Why? What is anger? Anger is the older brother of what is anger. Anger is the older brother of Well, idolatry is the essence of it. But anger and arrogance are together, they're united, they're brothers.

04:00
Why? Because when my arrogance is affected, I think that the whole world look at me, look at what I've accomplished, look who I am, look people should be. When they don't honor me, then I get angry. When they don't respect me, that's when I get angry. When things don't go my way, that's when I get angry. Anger is a result of all of the negative around us in our lives that doesn't go our way. Not that it's negative. It's negative to me because it's not the way I see things. Let's just a quick reminder.

04:36
We've talked about this many times. Every single situation in life has a blind spot. We all have a blind spot. When you drive a car, you have a blind spot. We all have a blind spot when you drive a car, you have a blind spot. We all know the blind spot. You have a fancy car. It'll show you that there's something in your blind spot, but it won't show you what it is per se. Newer cars have some type of technology to show you actually what's in your blind spot. But, generally speaking, even then there's some things you don't see. When you're looking forward, you don't see behind you, you're missing out on perspective. We don't see 360 degrees.

05:12
So because we're blind to a specific area around us at all times, we are very confident that what we see is the reality of life. We're very confident that what my eyes show me, this is the picture, but that's only about 140 degrees that we can see in periphery, right About 140 degrees. What's about the other remaining 220 degrees? What's about that that we don't see? That we're blind to, and sometimes when someone is arrogant and something is showing them from the other 220 degrees that they don't see, and now they get angry. Someone points out something which is a flaw in them. Someone tells them you know, you have a little bit of a temper. Someone points out something which is a flaw in them. Someone tells them you know, you're a little bit. You have a little bit of a temper Me Temper Right, they get all angry. Someone just showed them a blind spot.

06:14
We have to recognize that we all have blind spots, that we all have things that we don't see. And the minute we appreciate that we have blind spots, the minute we appreciate that we have shortcomings just the fact that we, for some people I remember when I started my Musser journey in teaching them throughout Houston back in 2009, I remember it was very uncomfortable for people and I would say we need to recognize that we have flaws, that we're not perfect, and people would start moving around in their chairs, getting really uncomfortable. The minute we accept that we have a flaw we have many but the minute we're ready to come to terms with it, we're already half the way there in fixing it. Why? Because if I don't recognize that I have a flaw of anger or arrogance, like we mentioned, these traits, I'll never be able to fix it. I'm turning a blind eye to it.

07:13
But the minute I come to a recognition you know this is a trait that I'm struggling with, so now I can work on it, now I can pay attention, I can take notes, I can see what triggered me so I can avoid those triggers. I can see how I acted and avoid acting like that. But if I don't even notice that it's there, or I don't accept that it's there, then what's going on? I can live my entire life ignoring the message that is being sent my way and never reached perfection in any area of life, and it's devastating. It's a terrible, terrible thing for a person to live life and leave the way they came, imperfect the way they came. That's a very, very devastating thing. So, also, someone who wants to pray. But if you're angry it's not going to help.

08:04
And the Shekhinah, the presence of Hashem, cannot reside where there is anger. Why? What does anger mean? I'm the center of the universe. Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa. If you're the center of the universe, how can the Shekhinah be there? How can the presence of Hashem be there if you're there, taking up all the space? That doesn't work, either you or the Almighty. You have to make room for the Almighty. Make room. You humble yourself. We see, in the temple there was the ark, which was inside the Holy of Holies, the temple. The ark took no place. You'd measure room one side to the other. It'd be 10 feet. You'd go from one side to the ark, it would be 5 feet. The other side to the ark, it would be 5 feet. It itself did not take any room. We need to be like the ark. Let Hashem in, let others in.

08:59
Someone who's arrogant, someone who's angry, no one wants to be around, no one feels like they're anything because the ears sucked out of the room. An angry person will never be a wise person, because all of his wisdom will fly away from him because of his anger, fly away from him. Because of his anger. He won't be able to answer and respond properly and he won't be able to reprimand others properly. And everything that he does is without reason. Because what happens when someone's angry? They throw a fit, they go crazy, they lose their senses. Terrible thing.

09:53
The person who's angry is depriving himself. Someone who's angry deprives himself of musr. Musr is the study of character and chastisement. He's losing the opportunity of someone correcting him and saying you know what I was wrong. You know what I didn't act appropriately. They're never going to have that self-reflection, because nobody's going to want to say anything to this angry monster who gets so irritated when anybody says anything to him. You don't, don't just. You know. You have those people who are. Don't correct them ever. Don't tell them that they did it wrong. Just redo the whole report. Don't tell them that they did it wrong. Just redo the whole report. Don't tell them that you didn't use their presentation. Don't tell them how many times are we tiptoeing around people because of their anger? Terrible thing. Everyone's going to be afraid. Pen. Your guys are love, because I don't want them to blow up on me.

11:06
And even if someone does gently and beautifully criticize such a person lovingly, they're not going to accept me Because he's such an angry person. Here is the fundamental principle Ein hakason mekabel shum mida tova im lo yosim li liba hakas. Here is the fundamental principle An angry person, someone who possesses this trait of anger, will never have positive traits glowing while they still have anger operating in their system. You've got to flush yourself out of it.

12:02
Just as he doesn't accept a criticism which is constructive, he can't fulfill what the Torah tells us, that we're obligated to reprimand and criticize someone if we see them doing a sin. Why? Because the Torah says and you shall not bear. Do not bear sin because of him. You shall not bear. Do not bear sin because of him, meaning don't cause the person to now, what's better For someone to do something by mistake, without knowing that what they're doing is a sin, or doing it intentionally? Torah says it's better for someone to do something by mistake than to do it purposely. So if someone is going to now be reprimanded the wrong way and they're not going to listen, but now they know that they're doing something wrong and they're doing it anyway, that's a terrible thing, that's the worst thing. Not going to listen, but now they know that they're doing something wrong and they're doing it anyway, that's a terrible thing, that's the worst thing.

13:09
But here this guy, this angry fellow, is not going to ever accept and definitely is not going to be the right guy to tell anyone else. Because what's the proper way? Say, just tell us. What's the proper way to give someone criticism, to reprove someone. You go gently, talk to them patiently and lovingly and you tell them, just for your benefit. I don't get anything out of this. I have no anger, I have no disappointment. I'm doing this for you. I want you, I want to help you. I see that you're flawed with something. I see that you're in pain from your anger, from whatever it is. See that it's not bringing peace to your life. Just help them, Guide them.

14:10
Such a person who's angry will never accept, but if particularly someone who's angry will not be able to present it in a proper way. But if you reprimand someone in a harsh and mean, cruel, insensitive way, with anger, with impatience, then you're going to blow the sin. What the Torah says, lo sisal avchet, you shall not cause him to sin. Ve'oso chavar, lo yikabal tocha hamimcha. And such a person that you reprimand in such a way, you reprove in such a way, will never accept from you. Yikein derech b'nei adam. This is the way mankind works. Kisho adam ba, this is the way mankind works.

15:13
You know you cannot forcefully. You know we were just talking before we went live that a teacher cannot be a cop done. You can't be strict, you can't be too firm and be a teacher. You can't be impatient and be a teacher. Why? Because, then, the nature of mankind was when someone punches you, you want to punch them back.

15:35
When your teacher, even your teacher educator, is saying it in a distasteful way, it's not going to be easy for you to accept it. Someone who's really, really great will say even though it's the messenger that's flawed, the message is not flawed and therefore I'll accept it. But that's someone who's really great, someone who's really righteous, someone who's pious, who says you know what? There's still a message for me to take from you. But, generally speaking, we look at the package and when the package is flawed, when the package is rotten, I don't want anything to do with it. So if you start yelling and screaming, saying you know, your trait that you possess is so terrible, this trait and that trait, whatever it is, no one's going to listen. And this is the nature of man when you come strong against someone, they come strong against you and you won't accept. And this King Solomon told us. The words of the wise uttered gently, are accepted. What does that mean? A wise person knows how to say things in the right tone, which is pleasant and accepted and lovingly desired by the other person.

17:00
We already know the story from Hillel and Shammai. Sh'omru aleihem osam shlosh ha-sagirim Habdonusa shal Shammai v'ikshul etardaynum ina olam Anvasanusa shal Hillem Kirvatnu tach azkan feyashchino. The harshness of Shammai wanted to drive us out of this world, but the humility of Hillel brought us under the wings of the Shekhinah. It's the story of the person who came and wanted to convert. He says teach me Torah while standing on one leg, shammai took his stick and shooed him away.

17:43
What did Hillel say? He said come, come, let me teach you Lovingly, patiently, kindly. And then what would he ask him? He asked him if he can serve in the temple. He says of course you can serve in the temple, which you can't because a convert cannot. Neither can an Israelite, by the way, but a convert cannot. Why would you tell him something? It's not. Let him learn. Let him come Well, later on, when he learns.

18:08
And he sees that he cannot, came back and asked Hillel. He says what are you talking about? He says, yeah, but you've learned. Look how much you've learned, look how much you've grown. He says oh, thank you for giving it to me in such a delightful way. It's to be with pleasantness. By the way, if we look in this world that we're in today, you can see that the way of pleasantness has a much, much, much more impactful journey than someone who delivers something with harshness. Our children, our children, thrive when we talk to them with pleasantness, with love, a smile, with a gentleness. When we're harsh with our kids never ends up positive, never, ever, never ever.

19:07
Hilal, because he had so much humility, because he knew everything is from Hashem. What do I need to get uptight? What do I need to get angry? What do I need to get all of my you know my sense out of order? Nobody canhoya adam yachal achiso. Nobody can anger him.

19:26
You remember the story of the Talmud we studied this where someone came on Erev Shabbos and he says Hillel, hillel, hillel was in the bathhouse right before Shabbos is chaos in every Jewish home. Comes Hillel, he comes out, he gets dressed, puts on his robe, puts on his robe, puts on his shoes, puts on his clothes, comes out. He says was someone searching for hillel? Says yeah, are you hillel versus? That's not a way to speak to the righteous ages. You don't talk like that. Call him first name. It's not appropriate. Hillel didn't think of himself that high. Yes, my son, how can I you? And he asks him a silly question why are the people of Africa? Why do they have big feet? That's one of the questions he asked him. He says because they live where there's swamps and where there's quicksand. Hashem gifted them with larger feet so that they don't sink Anything else.

20:25
My son? He says my son. He says no, no, that's okay. He goes back into the bath, turns on. Imagine he turns on the shower again, finally gets it to the right temperature. He's in the shower getting ready for shabbos. And what a hillel hillel. Anybody know where hillel is? Hillel says again, turns off the shower, goes back out.

20:40
Imagine this, like this scene One time. He asks why do the people from Persia have egg-shaped heads? He's explaining to him that the midwives don't know how to catch the baby and therefore it's like a whole explanation. Anything else? My son, no, that's it. He goes back into the shower. A minute later he does it again and he asks them why the people of the Far East have their eyes squinted. And he explains to them that there's a lot of sand and the sand would blow into their eyes and would hurt them. So, hashem, to protect them, he gave them eyes with. I mean, it's like these really, what is he doing here?

21:20
And a great example Talmud gives of what it means to be selfless, to be loving of another human being, what it means to be patient, what it means to be patient. He didn't get angry, he didn't lose his composure, he didn't get frustrated, he didn't feel like oh, he's demeaning me, so wrong, it's so no, lovingly, in the most loving way possible, because someone who stays away from anger acquires humility and mercy. Acquires the trait of humility and mercy Because, you know, it comes from cruelty. From cruelty comes sorry. From anger comes cruelty From anger. The result of anger is cruelty, dechsiv, as the verse states in Exodus. The verse states and I will be angry and I will kill you with a sword. We see the result of it of anger is devastating sword. We see the result of it of anger, devastating Bechayin, le'olam, etzel, charon af kosuv, ha'nikamah. Wherever we see anger, we see revenge. Bechora af Hashem b'chem batzar as ha'shamayim. We see that there's a grave revenge that follows.

23:01 - Intro (Announcement)
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