Jewish Inspiration Podcast · Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe

00:00 - Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe (Host)
Welcome back, everybody, to day number 46 in the Orchos Tzaddikim, Ways of the Righteous. We are in the Treasure for Life edition. We are on page 273, and we're beginning our seventh chapter, the seventh gate, the gate of mercy. Now we know that mercy and we're going to talk a lot about this mercy is of the traits of the Almighty, of the traits of the Almighty. So when we talk about mercy, it's important for us to understand and remind ourselves again and again that our objective in life is to emulate God. We want to emulate God in every way possible. Just like God is merciful, we are merciful. Just like God is forgiving, we are forgiving. Just like God is kind, we are kind. Just like God is forgiving, we are forgiving. Just like God is kind, we are kind. Just like God forgets the sins, so too, we need to forget the sins. It's something I like to talk about.

00:52
In Rosh Hashanah, yom Kippur, when we ask our friends and our neighbors, and our spouses respectively, for forgiveness, that doesn't mean forgiveness with a pen where it leaves a little bit of an imprint. Like you erase the pen mark where it leaves a little bit of an imprint, like you erase the pen mark, it still leaves a little bit of an imprint, but when you erase it with a pencil it's completely gone. It's like it never happened. When you forgive, it needs to be completely erased down to nothing. It doesn't exist. Like if you would ask me forgiveness for stealing my parking spot and then you do it again the next week. I'm like what you asked me forgiveness last week I guess that wasn't sincere. No, no, no, no, no, no. It's erased, it's gone, it never happened previously. Okay, so with that, my dear friends, we're talking about the gate of mercy. We're trying to emulate God's trait of perfection in mercy. Ha-rachamim hi hamida zoz. Hamida hi mishubachas me'od. Mercy is an extremely praiseworthy trait. V'hi achas mishloshes hamidas. Ha-miyuchas es la'kodesh borchu, and it is one of the 13 attributes of Hashem's traits K'edichsiv rachum v'chanun, as it is written, merciful and compassionate, that we say in Exodus. In any extent that we can accomplish in this trait, in attaining this trait, you can do it, go for it, because this is the trait to really, really work on ourselves.

02:23
We all, at times, need mercy. We need mercy from the stewardess at the check-in counter at United. We're like please, let me get on that flight, please, please, please. We need their mercy. Or if you're. You know, whatever situation you're in, we always need the mercy of somebody at some point. Right? I'm sorry you missed your appointment. Doctor's going to only see you next August because please, I beg you, just get me in there. Get me in there, right?

03:01
We need the mercy of others. So too we have to work on being merciful for others. As the verse says love your fellow as yourself. Remember this verse, famous verse leviticus 19, that we should love our fellow like ourselves. Just like we want to be the beneficiaries of mercy, so too we should shower others with that same level of mercy. The Almighty imbued His righteous servants with mercy so that they would be distinguished by this trait, as we find with Joseph. It is appropriate, just like we see with Joseph, the more a person is imbued with the trait of mercy, the greater his feeling of compassion becomes Will be at the site of news and someone else's suffering. You know, it's a very important thing We've discussed this numerous times throughout our classes that when we see things like violence, we see stories.

04:17
God forbid we should. I don't think anybody should see waste any time watching television, particularly today. Our sages have been saying it for the last hundred years, as you know Of the world, of the life of television, but for us, we see that today. We see how much is inaccurate, we see how much is selling a narrative. We see many things that are unhealthy about television, but one of the most is we become desensitized. We become desensitized from all of the stories that we read, whether it be stories of violence, of murder, of theft. These things make us callous, they make us insensitive to this idea, and that's what we need to be very, very cautious of when we talk about becoming more refined human beings. I guarantee you media is not the tool that gets us closer to that refinement.

05:15
There are several different forms of mercy, but they're very distant from one another. We know that there's the father's mercy to his son. That's a natural mercy that comes by nature and it's forever. A father always has mercy on his child, even sometimes in a bad way. Sometimes people have mercy on their child and it's only going to do damage to the child. I'll just share with you one quick story.

05:49
A friend of mine called me. He says he's a very, very busy man, very successful businessman, and he says to me I need your help. If you can, please come to my office. It's very urgent. So I come to his office. He says you know, my son was driving drunk last night and he's in the city jail. Was driving drunk last night and he's in the city jail. He's going to be released tonight. Can you pick him up? I'm in the middle of doing some very important things. Can you pick him up from the jailhouse? So I said sure, I'll pick him up, but I just want to make sure that you're not going to be putting him in the hands of another car. He says oh no, tomorrow morning we have an appointment at the dealership to get a new car for him. I said are you serious? He said yes. He says my son is going to be without a car, and that's.

06:41
You're right, there's a mercy, but there's perhaps a level of I don't want to call it stupidity, but cruelty in that mercy and we'll see this a little bit later where the author will talk about you know parts of mercy that if they're used incorrectly with the wrong people ie Palestine, gaza, whatever you want to call it you know the Talmud says those who are merciful and the cruel will end up being cruel to the merciful. So this is problematic. Okay, there are several different forms. We said the father to his son Right. Just as it is natural for dogs, animals, birds, which have tremendous mercy on their children. And if the only form of mercy you have on your child is the same form of mercy that a bird has on its baby or that a dog has on its baby, that's not a very refined one. So there's another form, which is a master who has mercy on his servant and a man has mercy on his friend.

08:08
Just as an interesting side note, I have a friend that you know his housekeeper is so dear to him and his wife that they told me that they put the housekeeper in their will. And I was at another friend's's house, another student of torch, and he said I said, wow, now you have two cleaning ladies. He says, yeah, the first housekeeper is getting old, so we got her a helper, you know. So the housekeeper has a housekeeper. That's uh, that's a whole nother level of of mercy. Like I said, you know, it's like she's been with us for so many years. We can't just throw out to the wolves now because, okay, so in any way that possible that a person can, can can properly cling to the trade of mercy, it is going to be beneficial to the trade of mercy. It is going to be beneficial.

09:11
The most epitomized form of mercy is a proper mercy of a father to his son or a parent to their child To bring him closer to the Almighty that a father will inform his son of your truths. As Isaiah says, he must pity his child's soul more than his body, meaning the father himself, on his own body, should care less for his body than his son's soul. And sometimes the path of proper education for a child from the parent is not always going to be the most pleasant. It's not always going to be with a lollipop. Sometimes it's going to be with something which is a little bit more stern. And it used to be that parents used to hit their children. Parents used to instruct and guide their children with a patch children with a patch.

10:21
Today we don't educate at all with with any form of violence god forbid or any type of harshness in that regard. There has to be sometimes or a no is a no and a yes is a yes and uh, and there has to be sometimes consequences. But that it's not just not the way it used to be, uh, but we have to make sure that we are there to guide our children, even when sometimes it's not going to always be so pleasant for them, because sometimes that what looks like cruelty from the parent is really mercy from the parents. It's like if you see a child running into the street, you don't say, well, let me explain to you, my dear child, why you grab them right. And sometimes when you grab them, when they're running into or riding into the street and that could hurt them, but that's not a hurt that's physically trying to hurt them, you're trying to save them. So in such a way, a person has to realize that it's not always a bad thing for a parent to give guidance to their child. There has to be a balance to it and a person has to know how much is the proper limit to that, because if a parent is always criticizing and reprimanding their child, it can have like, listen, I'm only going to say nice things to my child, I'll give him more lollipops and give him more money. What's going to happen? We know that he can end up doing some really, really making really bad decisions.

11:59
I've seen this time and time and again where parents, out of the really mistaken goodness of their heart, just give their children whatever they want and instead of giving them guidelines, they destroy their child. The child doesn't know how to maintain a job. The child doesn't know how to be fiscally responsible or emotionally responsible or emotionally responsive. I've seen dozens and dozens of stories of children who grew up in very privileged homes who can't function literally cannot function in a job, can't function in a relationship. It really is troubling. Why? Because it's flawed mercy that the parents displayed for their child, and even someone who's raising an orphan, where the verse tells us in the Torah that you shall not afflict any widow or orphan. Why? Because Hashem says I hear their cry, I hear their cry. I'm going to take revenge on those who afflict pain upon the orphans and widows, even someone like that, mitzvah l'hakoso. It's proper to give them the criticism and or reprimand out of love that will help guide them in the right way. K'dei liyashol der chishar Af al pikhein tzorich l'nahel esayosim berachmim yoser mishar kol odam. Notwithstanding this, you still have to use delicate, delicate gloves when you're dealing with an orphan or a widow. Ach lo yenichehu leylech b'shri yislibot. Just be very careful not to allow that child to just go and do whatever they want, freely, without any type of guidance.

13:47
A person should neither have too much mercy on himself. A person should also admonish himself and control his evil inclinations. You know, you're over eight. Now you want to punish yourself, meaning you're not really punishing yourself, you're helping yourself. But that's exactly what we think. We know that if we want to get into shape and lose weight, we're going to have to diet. Diet is like a punishment almost, but it's for our benefit, it's right. It's like it's the same idea of how we deal with our child. Sometimes it's not going to be so pleasant, but it's for your good. We do it out of our own mercy for ourselves.

14:30
V'chein yirachim al krovav ha'anim. Every person should have mercy on their relatives who may be poor. As the verse states, you shall not ignore your own flesh. It's your own family. How can you not have pity? How can you not have mercy on them? And also on all the poor people you should have mercy. So what he says here is that it's important for you to put a priority system in place of whom needs your mercy most. Those who are closest in the service of Hashem are deserving more of Hashem's mercy, of this person's mercy, and then those who are more distanced get a second priority. So this concludes day number 46. My dear friends, I look forward to continuing day 47.