Jewish Inspiration Podcast · Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe

00:00 - Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe (Host)
My dear friends, now we resume day number 29, on page 150 of the Treasure for Life edition of the Orchosh Tzaddikim, the Ways of the Righteous Arba Madregos Yesh BaBusha. There are four stages in Busha Ha'achas, hamispayesh, lassos, haver BeGoli, ve'oss. Haver BeSeser Is one who is embarrassed about doing a sin in public but will do it privately. It's like you're trying to steal from heaven. You're embarrassed in front of your neighbors. You're embarrassed in front of your friends. You're not going to do something terrible in front of them, but in front of God you have no problem at all. There are also rabba me'odam. That's a really, really terrible place to be in. What's the next level? Hashni yosh am izbayish lefneha. Olam v'gambe seser. Yimon hamin haveros ki yoreh shema yivad lefneha. So he won't do sins. The next level is he won't do sins in public, but also privately. He won't do sins, but only because he's afraid people will find out. Oh, there are cameras everywhere, you know, I don't want anyone to find out. And on this our Seder said it's better to do this than to do otherwise. Why? Because at least a person is not doing it for the right intention, he will come to do it in the right intention.

01:30
What's the third level If a person thinks. If a person thinks he says what's going to be. The next stage is how can I do this evil in private, being more ashamed before the servant than before the master and stealing the mind of the Almighty? And in this way he is deterred from transgression, and this is a worthy quality. That means a person thinks you know what's the difference between a? There's a ganav in the Talmud. There's two different types of robbers. There's a ganav and there's a gazlan. Okay, what's the difference between the two?

02:26
One steals at night, one steals by day or by night, he doesn't care. Why does one steal by night? Because he's afraid people are going to see him. But the one who steals by day or by night doesn't care about anybody. He doesn't care if you see him, he doesn't care if God sees him. The guy who steals by day or by night doesn't care about anybody. He doesn't care if you see him. He doesn't care if God sees him. The guy who steals by night is worse, why he's afraid of people. He's not afraid of God. He has no fear of God.

02:56
We need to be careful that, if God forbid, we were to say now to all of you listening and all of you watching here and all of you in the Torch Center. Here you have nothing to worry about. You all are holy, righteous people, never sinned a day in your lives. So you have nothing to worry about. But others, like myself, need to be concerned, need to be concerned. Why do we need to be concerned? Because sometimes we can do things not for the right reason and we can be concerned. Why do we need to be concerned? Because sometimes we can do things not for the right reason and we can be concerned that perhaps, oh, you know why, I'm not going to sin? Because someone's going to see. Or I'm not going to sin. That's like the thief who steals at night because he's, like, afraid that someone's going to see, but it's not afraid that God is going to see. What's the fourth level? He says the fourth level, the highest level, is one who is always afraid of God, day, night. It doesn't make a difference. I'm in front of Hashem at all times and therefore I can't, I can't sin, I can't say. I'll give an example.

04:13
There are certain people I had a friend of mine we were talking about in one of the classes. We were talking about the trait of dignity, of kavod of honor and we were talking about how a person is defined by how they talk, how they speak, and when someone speaks in a refined manner, they come across as being a refined person. When someone speaks a crass and vulgar way, what happens that's the way that people look at them is as if they're crass and vulgar way. What happens that's the way that people look at them is as if they're crass and vulgar. So this guy asked me he says and I was talking about how people carry themselves, how they dress, if they dress in a suit and tie, there's always a certain respect that people give because of the way they're dressed, the way they carry themselves in a dignified fashion. Okay.

05:02
So this individual asked me so do you think that I am carrying myself around with dignity, as a friend? He asked me. So I said I think actually you walk around with great dignity. You're always dressed well, you drive your car, it's clean, it's not all muddy and all dirty, you carry yourself nicely until you open your mouth. His mouth was like a toilet bowl and said foul language, and he's changed a lot over the years that I know him, but it was. You know. They would think that you're dignified until you opened your mouth, and I think many times people don't realize that the words they choose can depreciate their value, not only in the eyes of others, but also in their own eyes. If someone values themselves, they won't use certain words.

06:08
If someone does a sin and he's embarrassed by it, he's forgiven of all his sins. Unbelievable. Someone who is shame-faced goes right on to the Garden of Eden and our sages tell us that shame and faith and knowledge of Hashem are very closely linked, because someone who is carrying himself with the proper dignity and shame is able to find Hashem and is with people. Someone who doesn't believe properly in Hashem doesn't have the proper dignity and shame. Amar HaKhacham say just tell us, tell us. The wise man once said. He says when you have no shame, you will do whatever you desire.

07:13
A person should never do something, anything which his friend would be ashamed to object to Kigon, such as intruding upon a person's privacy. V'chaviru nikhnasetz lo v'hu mizbayesh lom rlo lotzeis. Intruding upon a person's privacy וחברו נכנסץ לו ואו מי זבי יש לא מר, לא לצס. And your friend walks in and, I guess, intrudes on your privacy when the latter would be ashamed to ask him to leave, or lodging in his friend's house when the latter is disturbed by it and is ashamed to ask him to leave. Or reading his friend's house when the latter is disturbed by it and is ashamed to ask him to leave. Or reading his friend's letters, right V'hu mizbayish l'mer lo latses Oy she yis'achsem be'beis chaveir v'hu mitzdayer bozeh. V'hu mizbayish l'mer lo latses Oy she yikro k'savem she chaveir v'chaveir v'mizbayish l'mer.

08:10
Someone reads your letters. By the way, this is a halacha that you're not allowed to open up your neighbor's letters. Not only because it's breaking a law, it's some crime. They'll bring you in New York City and they'll ring up some 34 convictions for opening up someone's letter. But the halacha actually says that. The halacha says you're not allowed to look in someone's private notebook, someone's letter. But the halacha actually says that the halacha says you're not allowed to look in someone's private notebook, someone's diary. You're not allowed to look in someone's private emails, someone's private text messages. It's private and it's taking away someone's shame. It's private, it's personal.

08:51
וְּחָלְקַיָּוֹתְּהְתְּהְב, and things like this. A person should be very, very careful about this. So a person should be very careful not to be a burden on others. Don't ask them something. Don't ask them for a gift. Don't ask them if you can borrow their money or their tools when you know your friend doesn't want to allow you to and he doesn't have the strength to tell you not to. You know he's not doing it willingly, but he's not going to have a choice. You know that he can't say no, so you're asking. But someone who has proper shame. It disturbs him, it's difficult for him that his friend is feeling a shame as a result of him, and therefore the wise man said Love only the man who gives the impression that he cannot get along without you, though you need him more than he needs you, and who, if you offend him, will give you and make it seem as if he was the offender, and who will ask of you things that he does not need, so that you will be ashamed to ask him. You will not be ashamed to ask him, so he'll ask you for a favor, just so that you can feel comfortable asking him. I want to share with you, if you want to know, a story that will exemplify this in the greatest way.

10:41
My father had the privilege of having a study partnership with one of the leading rabbis in Muncie, new York. When we grew up in Muncie, there was a rabbi. His name was Rabbi Shimon Schwab, and Rabbi Shimon Schwab was such a special man. I remember my mother passing by school certain days and she would be glowing. She'd be glowing. I'm like what happened? She would stop by at school Like mommy, what happened? Like what are you so excited? She says I saw Rabbi Schwab. Today I saw Rabbi Schwab her whole day. She was like glowing. She saw the righteous scholar the righteous, you know, pious, you know man. It was like my mother's whole face would be beaming just because she saw Rabbi Schwab.

11:26
So my father had the privilege of learning together with Rabbi Schwab. I think, if I recall correctly, it was like four o'clock on Sunday afternoon. My father would meet with him in one of the synagogues and they would learn together for about a half hour, an hour and they would talk a little bit and he got to know my father. One week my father totally forgot about their study, totally forgot. He's so embarrassed. About a half hour later my father realized it and he's like oh my goodness, what do I do? What do I do? I cannot believe it. I cannot believe. The rabbi's sitting and waiting for me and I just I totally forgot. Few short minutes later the phone rings and it was Rabbi Schwab on the phone.

12:13
And Rabbi Schwab with his unbelievable and Rabbi Schwab with his unbelievable, unbelievable modesty, unbelievable dignity, he says to my father please, please, please, forgive me. I totally forgot to come, I totally forgot about our learning today. Please forgive me. I guarantee you he did not forget. But he knew that my father forgot and he didn't want him to be embarrassed. So he called as if he was the one who forgot. That is true modesty. He could have called him and said excuse me, don't. You know, my time is very valuable. Apparently, you don't. There are many ways that you can slice this right, many ways that people can make you feel humiliated, but that's not what great Torah masters do. He called my father first and apologized profusely for forgetting what he did not forget. He just didn't want my father to be embarrassed.

13:14
That is greatness, that's what the Torah teaches us. So someone who wants to attain this great trait, he should be in a habit of always sitting before one in whose presence he is ashamed. Someone who's far greater than you in ashamed. Someone who is far greater than you in wisdom. Someone who is far greater than you in knowledge, in talent. It's humbling, and one should not lose his dignity by constantly asking things of others. For once you lose your dignity, you will find no one to restore it to you. Meaning to restore and renew what you have lost by your own doing means once someone is is is self-deprecating. Someone loses their own dignity, it becomes very, very difficult to restore it. My dear friends, this concludes day number 29.